remembering lucy stone

In a moment of particular frustration about my name and the fact that the world does not understand the hyphen, I am reminded of Lucy Stone who was always my favorite of the suffragettes (I think because her name is so awesome). Lucy gave us this:

"A wife should no more take her husband's name than he should hers. My name is my identity and must not be lost."

Lucy Stone was the first American woman to keep her birth name upon marriage. Although many countries do not allow anyone, man or woman, to change their birth name, apparently the U.S. has always felt strongly that women should accept their husband's name at marriage.

"When women were given a limited right to vote in 1879, Stone was refused this right unless she used her husband’s name. She also found that her signature was not considered valid on legal documents, unless she signed as 'Lucy Stone, married to Henry Blackwell.'" (source)

I adore my dash. It symbolizes the transition I made in life when I entered into marriage. I am still my own person, but I am now part of a partnership.

Like Lucy, my husband is wholeheartedly welcoming of combining our names. Although he did not change his legally, he is happy to write out both names, joined with a beautifully poetic hyphen as the return address on all of our mail. He is happy to be called by both names and recognizes and respects my need to retain my identity.

The Social Security Administration recognizes my dash, so does the State Department who granted my passport and the Department of Motor Vehicles. So, why can't everyone?

Yes, I'm talking to you US Bank! And you, Blockbuster! And you all airline companies! And you ...

What did Lucy Stone and the rest of the suffragettes fight for, if not the right to be our own people? The right to vote, work outside the home, wear pants, request a divorce and be protected from domestic violence also comes with the right to choose our own last name. If we want to keep our name, change or name or hyphenate our name, we should have the right to do so. And that choice belongs to each of us and the world should recognize and respect it without question.

Thank you Lucy Stone, for giving it a try. I'm sad to report that some of us still fight your struggle more than 130 years later.